They’re Everywhere

I’ve had 5 people I know announce pregnancies on Facebook in the last 2 weeks, and one announce hers in the Capturing Kids’ Hearts (CKH) professional development I attended this week. Not to mention the woman pregnant with twins who was also in attendance!

… And you know what?
I think I’m okay with it. I’ll live. ❤️

We hope to start the adoption process this Fall.

On a non-baby note, I’ve lost a solid 5 pounds in the last 4.5 weeks and I’m feeling great. Headaches are at a minimum and I’ve only taken 4 Advils in the last 2 weeks!

I continue to eat healthy, and hubby and I walk 2-3 miles every evening. I also do 10-30 minutes of cardio/ab exercises daily.

Live. Love. Learn.
Roxana

My Path is Different

If I already understand that my path is different, then why does it hurt so much to see others so happy?

A friend of mine from college just announced her engagement. And while I was so happy for her, I couldn’t help but wonder about how long they’ve been dating. (Hubby and I dated a little over 4 years before we got engaged.)

Well… She’s pregnant.

She’s going to be a fantastic mother. She’s the type of mom who will unconditionally love, nurture, encourage, and teach acceptance to her kids. I’m above and beyond excited for her.

…But what about me?
…When will I have the chance to be excited about having a baby?

I will likely never feel their heartbeat or tiny hands and feet growing stronger within me – no, I’m not fortunate enough to have that experience.

What I do know, however, that one of these days we will have a family… One way or another – be it through fostering to adopt or adoption. Maybe down the road a ways we will have the opportunity to try fertility medication again… Or maybe even surrogacy could be an option.

Feeling a little down on myself. I really should get up and out of bed. Hubby and I are applying for our passports today. Cancun is definitely something to look forward to 😀.

Live. Love. Learn.
Roxana

What do you know about gluten?

Not much?
Me neither.

What I DO know is that it significantly affects my body in a negative way. I know scientists say there’s no such thing as gluten sensitivity aside from Celiac Disease, but I refuse to believe that.

Gluten causes bloating, headaches, fatigue, asthma symptoms, adrenal and pituitary issues, as well as infertility. While I would like to think my infertility issues could be solved by just changing my diet, I’m more level-headed and rational than that. A girl can dream, right?

Eating gluten free is much simpler than people think. You can eat practically whatever you want and when you want.. Just have to think before you make your selections :).

I’ve drastically reduced my consumption of foods with gluten in the last two weeks, and my headaches have minimized dramatically. Sometimes, I would have a headache for weeks at a time, but I have been Advil free for a whole week… That was until I drank one beer to celebrate my birthday with my friends on Saturday. Believe it or not, that one beer has caused me to have a headache for the past two days! I’m kicking myself for it, because I’m not much of a drinker to begin with anyway!

I’ve been on a 1,450 calorie diet and have started exercising as well. Apps like MyFitnessPal and MapMyFitness help keep me on track – I highly recommend them!

I’ve absolutely been loving gluten free bread with natural peanut butter and honey with a tall glass of almond milk. Mmm… Makes me hungry just thinking about it.

I have a feeling this blog is going to start taking a change in direction, and I’m okay with that.

Live. Love. Learn.
Roxana

Why do people keep asking?

I visited an old co-worker at L’Occitane a few weeks ago while I was at the mall. I haven’t worked there since college, so a lot has happened since I left. I’ve gotten married and purchased a home, so naturally the thing that comes next is a baby. When I got there, we went through the motions. We hugged, exchanged “Hello”s and “How are you?”s and then out popped “So no babies yet?” As open as I am about our journey.. I don’t feel like explaining myself every time I see someone. I’ve told her before that we’re trying and not succeeding. I told her that we’re looking into adoption and she replied with, “Oh, girl! Why?” like it would be such a horrible thing.

Fast forward to today – I dropped my car off to be serviced and had to be shuttled home. First off, the driver made me incredibly uncomfortable and asked me about my height multiple times. The first thing he said to me when I got in the car was, “Ooh girl, how tall are you?” (I’m 5’8″ – nothing abnormal..) He proceeded to ask me if I play sports and blablabla. He then continued the awkwardness by asking if I’m married and telling me all about his crazy wife who he left 3 months ago. To top off the uncomfortable conversation, he asked of we have kids. Ugh. Not going to explain it to a total stranger who makes me uncomfortable.

Why does this question have to be asked? If someone has kids and wants to talk about them. It’s none of anyone’s business!

On a positive note, we are looking into a vacation to The Bahamas! Hoping to travel next month :)!

Live. Love. Learn.
Roxana

Mother’s Day

I’m very lucky to have a mother who has always supported me and wanted the best for me. She is my best friend and I can always turn to her for advice, help, or a shoulder to lean on. I’m thankful beyond words for having her in my life.

We all went out for lunch today and spent time together, but in the back of my mind, all I can think about is the IUI we were supposed to be having this weekend.

But it’s okay… I have my loving fur babies to love on and cuddle with :). Maybe next year things will be different.

Live. Love. Learn.
Roxana

The Waiting Place

We started our higher dosage of Gonal-F last night! I’m very hopeful that I will respond to the medication, I just hope we don’t take too long to find the right dosages for each medication.

It may be in my head again.. But I have felt very heavy today. All. Day. Long. My pants feel extra tight and are leaving imprints on my tummy :(. I’ve also had an upset stomach since taking my injections last night. My stomach doesn’t hurt whatsoever, it’s just upset. Upset stomach is not listed as a side effect of Gonal-F, though, so I’m thinking it’s probably all in my head.

I go in for my 3rd E2 and my first follicular ultrasound tomorrow. Please think positive thoughts for us 😘!

Live. Love. Learn.
Roxana

Crying in Bathroom Stalls

10:20 AM
Three follies on the right.
Two follies on the left.

I’m on CD8, but all follicles measure 10mm or smaller. This isn’t good.

I don’t naturally have a menstrual cycle or ovulation, so my doctor will continue my “cycle” as long as he needs to allow my follicles to grow to the size they need to be… As long as my E2 is increasing. If it isn’t, we may have to start over. I’m not sure that’s an option right now, because it’s so expensive.

We’ll know by 3PM.

4:15PM
Nurse called at 2:30, and I missed it.

I asked my partner teacher to watch my class so I could use the restroom, and made a beeline to listen to the voicemail. I sat in the stall and cried for a minute, picked myself up, brushed myself off, and went back to my room like nothing was wrong.

Although we had follicles this morning in our US, my E2 has only increased to 25 (from 14), so my RE has decided it’s best to cancel our cycle and “start fresh” with a higher dosage from the start.

I don’t know what to think.
I’m lost. I’m confused. I’m exhausted. I’m drained. I’m hurt.

We spent so much money, just to have our doctor not have us on a high enough dose and then cancel on us. That being said, we will either be trying another cycle with higher doses, or we will just move forward with adoption. (Most likely the latter.)

Live. Love. Learn.
Roxana

Baffled

I’m so confused.

I had my first E2 on 5/5 and measured a 27. Since them, I’ve been on 75IU Menopur and 75IU Gonal-F, but my E2 measured at 14 this morning.

I start 150IU Gonal-F tonight, and stay on 75IU Menopur.

Has this happened to anyone before? Why/how could it decrease?

Live. Love. Learn.
Roxana

Feeling Good

I’ve read that gonadotropin injections can cause women to have “PMS” type symptoms and to be moody and cranky. I feel quite the opposite, however. I feel especially happy and light hearted the past few days. The injections don’t hurt like I thought they would and hubby has been so amazing… What could I possibly be moody about?

Had my second E2 lab this morning. My first draw before injections measured 27! The nurse on duty this morning told me that on CD6 with just 3 days of injections, I should be expecting a measurement between 100-300. Fingers are crossed. I’ve been feeling very “full” and “heavy,” so I hope I’m responding as planned!

Have a marvelous Monday!

Live. Love. Laugh.
Roxana

“Proof of the Baby Dust”

I’ve been talking about our IF journey a lot with my cousin. And although she’s not an “infertile”, she’s always been the person who understands how I feel and is always a shoulder of support for me. I feel so comfortable talking to her about everything without feeling judged. I showed her the pictures of my bruised injection site (photo in previous blog), and she sent me the text message I posted above. She’s right… I had never thought of it that way. My pricks and bruises are proof of baby dust, and hopefully, soon will be replaced by stretch marks.

I am so lucky to have such an amazing cousin.

Live. Love. Learn.
Roxana