STAAR is among us yet again.

The desks are arranged neatly in rows,
Cubbies are put away in their places,
Everything is in it’s right place.

All anchor charts have been removed or covered,
All the beauty drained from my classroom.

STAAR is among us once again!

I’m feeling excited to get the STAAR Writing out of the way, but nervous, anxious, and nauseated all at the same time just thinking about it.

We’ve worked so hard all year!

We’ve written so many compositions and drilled the grammar to a pulp, but we’ve learned! We’ve come so far! I’m proud of what my kids have accomplished this year, and know I will continue to be proud of them! Bring it on, STAAR – we’re ready to kick your booty!

On a side note, I can’t help but feel like I should be starting my injections this week. The stress of waiting for hubby’s genetic testing is truly weighing on me. I’m so very hopeful that we can start trying next month. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts.

Live. Love. Learn.
Roxana

Hadn’t cried this hard in a while…

Two days from AF, we finally get the results from my lab work in (after 2 weeks).

As it turns out, I’m a carrier of the SMN1 gene. Because of this, my RE has cancelled my cycle for this month. I’m devastated because this was supposed to be our first, ever, medicated cycle.

My husband goes in for testing tomorrow. If he is a carrier too, we’ll have our plates full with worry. If both parents are carriers, there is a 25% chance the child will be unaffected by SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy), 50% chance the child will also be a carrier, and a high 25% chance that the child will be affected with SMA.

I’ve come to terms with my infertility, but have become so invested in trying to conceive our own, that I feel so defeated to know that there is, once again, something wrong with me that is keeping us away from having our own bundle of joy. As devastated and defeated as I feel, I know that in the end, we will have our children… Whether it be through childbirth or adoption. I’ve got to think positive.

Please keep us in your thoughts.
I’m extremely nervous. I’m on edge.. I haven’t felt this way in a long time.

Live. Love. Learn.
Roxana

We’re so close, now.

We’re still waiting on blood work results to come in. Apparently, they’re still pending due to genetic testing. I had a freak out yesterday, because I started getting cramps and an achy back. Usually when that happens, AF shows up within 24 hours. Because it’s the weekend, I panicked, thinking “Oh my goodness! I’m going to start my cycle, and the office will be closed!” Meanwhile, my back was aching as I followed DH around Home Depot.. So my mind began to race with negative thoughts of missing this month’s opportunity to have a medicated cycle. Luckily (maybe?), for us, I haven’t started yet.. So hopefully, I’ll start during the week, so we can go in for our ultrasound, order my meds, and get this show on he road.

I’m feeling both extremely excited and nervous at the same time. Please send positive “joojoo” our way :).

Live. Love. Learn.
Roxana

What’s happening here?

I’ve always been terrified of needles.

And when I say terrified, I don’t mean just scared.

I mean getting hot and sweaty, hyperventilating, and passing out.. TERRIFIED!

I had my MRI yesterday and did alright when the contrast was injected, but still felt a bit weak and woozy afterwards (thank goodness I was already laying down in the MRI machine).

My blood work today was super simple. I went in a little iffy about everything. I sat down, took deep breaths, and felt the alcohol swab on my arm. Without looking, I took one more deep breath and felt the needle as I exhaled. I focused on my breathing, as to not hyperventilate. I must admit, I focused too much on the procedure, and listened to her swap out the vials as my blood was drawn.. But it was over before I knew it! Next time, I will try to relax more.

I’m proud of myself, because I’ve never been able to get my blood drawn by myself. I’m a big girl, now :). I just texted my husband (at work) saying, “I didn’t hyperventilate! I’m beginning to be okay with all this.”

Go, me!

Live. Love. Learn.
Roxana

Back to TTC After Spring Break

My husband and I spent March 7-12th in California visiting my best friend, Ashley. The trip was amazing. We visited many places I had not even visited while I lived there. During our trip to California, we:

– ate at In-N-Out 2x (should I be bragging?).
– visited San Pedro Square’s Beer Market.
– enjoyed a fresh breakfast at Scrambl’z with some of my dearest friends.
– went shopping!
– visited San Francisco.
— ate fresh seafood and enjoyed the sights at Fisherman’s Wharf.
— dug into plenty of salt water taffy at Pier 39.
— thought about sharing a sundae at Ghiradelli Square (we were too full!).
— drove down Crooked Street (Lombard St.).
– visited Sausalito.
— wine tasted and shared a cheese plate at Bacchus & Venus.
— bought socks at the cutest little shop called Soxalito!
– made a mini road trip out to Monterey.
— watched the sunset on Pebble Beach, with our toes in the sand.
— enjoyed Monterey nightlife.
— discovered that I actually enjoy drinking Blue Moon, Shock Top, and Hef. Weird!
– Met baby Koosha, my dear friend’s 2 week old baby!
– and last but not least, we definitely enjoyed eating at some of mg favorite places!

Our trip was an eventful, well needed, and well deserved break from reality. I loved seeing Ashley and all of my other friends, but what I loved most, was experiencing Hubby’s first trip to California with him :).

Upon our return from our break, we jumped head first back into TTC. I had my pituitary MRI with and without contrast yesterday. The radiologist urged me to drink plenty of water for the next two days. I’ve had a headache since that won’t go away.. Not sure if it’s because of the dye? My follow up visit with my RE is today, and we will discuss our plan going forward. Hopefully, I will walk away with my prescription in hand, so we can figure out exactly how much meds will cost us the first time around (I don’t think we have enough time to wait on insurance this time around).

Here’s to hoping that I won’t freak out at the sight of the needle (I’ve gotten calmer), I walk away with all of the information I need, my RE has my MRI results already in hand, and that this headache goes away soon!

*UPDATE*
Left without a prescription. I’m not sure what I was thinking.. I only just had my labs done. My RE will call me with a “game plan” as soon as all of my results are in. Without them, he can’t tell me much. Also found out that my left tube is “partially” blocked. Not sure exactly what that means.. But the dye made it through both tubes during my HSG.

I don’t know what to think.

Live. Love. Learn.
Roxana

It’s over!

My HSG left me overwhelmed with emotion. First things first, it was definitely worse than my sonohysterogram! The injection of the dye through the catheter was much worse than the saline. I had severe cramping. Half way through the procedure, my RE said “Let me give it one more flush, it needs a little push.” Not sure exactly what that means… But everything turned out fine.

When I sat up to view the x-ray on the monitor, I became light headed and had to lay back down. I tried getting up again and felt all of the blood drain from my face. My hands began to tingle and go numb, and so did my face. That’s when the nurse let my husband back into the room (he had to leave because of the radiation from the x-ray).

RE explained that both of my Fallopian tubes are open and clear, and my uterus is not as small as we thought it is! My last RE told me my uterus is 1/3 the size it should be, but my current one said “Compared to what I see regularly, it’s not too much smaller.” What comforting news! He is confident it will stretch with a baby. With that, he left the room and told me to continue to lay down for a few more minutes. The nurse brought me some water and told us to take our time and that she would be right outside if we need anything.

I can’t believe how horrible I felt. My hands and face were numb, I felt hot and cold at the same time, and I couldn’t stand up straight. I took deep breaths and drank my water, and tried to get off the table. I immediately felt like vomiting. I sat with my head between my legs for a few minutes and tried to get up again. Nope! Poor Hubby stood around with me until I felt better (poor baby was really page getting back go work). After getting dressed and leaving the room, I finally began to feel better. I’m so thankful Hubby was with me.. I don’t know what I would have done with him there today.

You can see in this image from the monitor (that Hubby took, while I was freaking out), that both tubes are clear and open :).

Next steps:
– Wednesday @ 4PM: MRI of pituitary gland with and without contrast.
– Blood work: waiting to hear back from RE’s office, so we can schedule.

Live. Love. Learn.
Roxana

Hysterosalpingogram (HSG)

That feeling is setting in again.

Tomorrow morning, I go in for my hysterosalpinogram. I wouldn’t feel so nervous if I’d had one before, but this is a first for me. Thankfully, this time Hubby can make it :).

I just took my Z-Pack dose and am ready for tomorrow. I’m nervous because both of my sonohysterograms we’re very uncomfortable for me (I had spotting for 2-3 days following each one), and I’ve heard that the HSG procedure is much more uncomfortable and painful :(. It also worries me that I have to take antibiotics before and after the procedure. It’s so invasive that I could potentially become ill? Scary!

The only positive thought I can muster is that the HSG increases our chance of conception for up to three months following the procedure.

Crossing my fingers (and toes) for little pain, a quick and easy procedure, and clear and open tubes! (Although, I’m not too worried about that because my diagnosis is completely unrelated to my ovaries/Fallopian tubes.. We’ll see!)

Live. Love. Learn.
Roxana